Kids Before I Had Kids II. a.

Evan and Elise. Hard to put into words what I feel about Evan and Elise. It's like with Marcus, how close we were. I believe Jason and Kelly understand I don't love them any less than I did Marcus, but because Marcus and I were close, in age and distance, it was different and special between us.

Therefore, Evan and Elise were always going to be the closest thing to my own children, since I was not going to have any. Everyone says that having children will change you more than anything else. I'm not saying Mary Frances didn't change me, or how I see the world, but Evan and Elise had already done a lot of that for me when they were born. They were the hardest part about moving away from Escondido in 1999. Evan would have been 5 and Elise 3, and I was quite attached.  After I moved out, when I would visit, Elise would ask me, "Are you coming back to stay Uncle Chris?  Are you going to stay this time?"


Evan was born five days after my 26th birthday.  I have no idea what I did for my 26th, but I know what I did for Evan's first.  Spent it with Marc.  Marc was worried because Evan had a lot of fluid in his lungs when he was born.  They kept him in the hospital overnight where he quickly developed pneumonia.  Sometimes I wonder about the logic of keeping the immunocompromised  people where all the germs are.  Evan had to stay in the hospital for a week.  Heidi never left his side.  He was such a sweet little baby.  He could hold his head up from day one.  


When he got out of the hospital and came home, I couldn't take my eyes off of him for about a year.  He was the cutest baby I had ever seen.  I loved playing with him when he was an infant, and he loved crawling on my guitars before he could walk.  When he did learn to walk, he never really walked.  He ran.  He was gifted with physical abilities far beyond others in his family.  The froggy run he could do was a feat you had to see to understand, but it's something special to see a human run full speed on all fours.  He might be part monkey.


I don't want to say that I loved Evan as if he were my own son.  I want to say that I hoped I would care for my own kids as much as I cared for Evan, if I ever had any.  Now that I have my own child, everyone will say something like, "Isn't it different when they are your own?"  


I have to say no, it's not all that different.  The difference is I have to change Mary's diapers a lot more than I had to change Evan's.